Shock News
09/11/10 -- Emily Bishop isn't dead. I'd have put my house on the fact that she was.
Not since the dark days of MrsN#2 have I had to endure an episode of Corrie. Not until last night that was when MrsN#3 spotted that it was to be an emotional tear-jerking night with Jack reunited with Vera in that great bookies in the sky.
So I thought well, half an hour of my life isn't too much to give up is it?
"Is Emily Bishop still in it?" MrsN#3 politely enquires.
"Is she f**k as like, are you on drugs woman? That slimy fella killed her didn't he, the one that was fiddling insurance or something. He was giving Gail one, you know the fella. No not the one who got knocked down by a tram on Blackpool seafront, the other one. Christ give me strength," I wittily retort.
Cut to Rovers Return and there she bloody well is in the corner. Supping. Surely that nasty bloke that was slipping Gail a portion and killed Maxine did for Emily too? I can see her now slumped on the settee round at Ashley's, babysitting, blood coming out of the ear or mouth or somewhere.
And what's Kevin been up to again? How many extra marital affairs can that couple have, is it a competition or something? And hasn't Rosie grown, she was only knee high to a grasshopper the last time I saw her. And we also appear to have gone down the lesbian schoolgirl route just to spice things up a bit (I mean one of them isn't even attractive, how unrealistic is that?). I'm a tad surprised Jack wants away with that lot going on. But I digress, this is Jack's big moment...
So we get to the final few minutes and I'm thinking come on Nogger, keep it together old lad, we can't have a sly tear escaping here. I mean I'm renowned for my sensitivity and all that, but we don't want MrsN#3 taking the mickey do we.
Talk about disappointed, Corrie is apparently on for two separate half hour stints these days, or at least it was last night. So we get to the end and Jack is confusingly still alive. Something I wasn't prepared for.
Then we have to wait half an hour. Then we're back into it..."I know that the baby is Kevin's not Tyrone's"..."don't marry him Leanne, have me"..."stop ringing the bookies will ya"..."let's just tell the vicar that we're dirty lezzers and have done with it"...by the end of it all I'm the one losing the will to live. I'm positively urging Jack on, if I'd have had a gun I'd have gladly put him out of his misery myself.
Finally we get there, and Jack limps over the celestial finishing line.
RIP Jackie Boy, gone to fettle pigeons in the sky now. I bet he couldn't wait to get away.